Reflection of My Four Years in High School

9:41 PM Nameless b. 0 Comments

"It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days." - Isabel Waxman

I came across this quote whilst scrolling through Instagram and found it to be so true. Right now as I'm typing this graduation is two days away, I'm sitting on my sofa writing this emosh post and playing FRIENDS on the television to hold back possible tears. To be honest, I never thought high school would end. I thought my life would have the same routine forever; wake up, eat, change, go to school and repeat. It's just really weird to think that I'm leaving a place that helped shape me into the person that I am (cheesy I know). In high school I learned so many things and realised a lot of things too. In terms of education, I've gotten to know what I'm good at and what I enjoy learning about. For example I enjoy learning about Biology and Health Ed, Math isn't my best but I am okay in Statistics. I was one of those people who said that they liked school merely because their friends were there and not because they wanted to learn. But I have come to learn the importance of education and its value, without it we'd all be ignorant people. I still remember my first year of high school, I felt so on top of the world but at the same time at the bottom of it which I didn't think was possible until then. I felt such pressure to be liked by everyone and to know and have what was "in" and that scared me a bit. In just that first year I met the person who I used to be best friends with and I had my first high school drama in my freshman year. It was a tough year, I remember feeling like someone has kicked me in the guts to give me a reality check. But I left that year having learned new life lessons and met people that have impacted me both positively and negatively.

Going into my sophomore year, I still had the same friend group but it didn't last long, that friend group was pretty big. I wanna say there were 14 of us in that group but soon enough my best friend and I chose to leave and we met other people to be friends with. That year I was put in a class with a boy who hated (his words) me and to this day I never really knew why and I remember feeling so isolated when I was in class because I didn't want him to hate me more. My best friend then was close to him and she told me everything the boy told her. And that very same year I fought with my best friend again and I was all by myself and luckily enough a group of girls who I was already friends with offered me to hang with them til I resolve things with her. Eventually, I started to feel so bad and I really didn't wanna go to school anymore. I developed my anxiety disorder and I just felt even more isolated in class, with a boy who hated me for no reason and my best friend not talking to me. I can still remember crying to my parents about all these problems and wanting to be homeschooled. To this day, I still get so angry at myself for letting such small things get to me but back then my problems seemed to be so big. Anyways, I ended up making peace with said best friend and got to finish the year. That summer I started going to the gym everyday and I started to feel so much better about myself cause I was so body conscious, just like every other teenager. I felt happy and I had one of the best summers with that said best friend too.

Following to my junior year of high school, I lost weight and other people seemed to notice it and told me how great I look. That really made me even more motivated and happy to know it all paid off. I think junior year has to be one of my best years in high school. I was more confident and happy, finally. I made a lot of new friends but fast forward into the year, I unfortunately parted ways with the best friend I had since freshman year. It was bittersweet but I learned a lot from that friendship. I eventually made and had a new group of friends and that time of my life I have NEVER felt happier. I still have these friends with me and I'm forever grateful for them. Close to finishing junior year I found out I was officially moving to New Zealand, that news made me happy and sad cause I'd be leaving the best people I have known. I made the most of the time I had left in the Philippines, I've never had so many plans and outings in a span of two months with friends and family.

On the 20th of May 2015, I didn't know how different my life would be. Different in terms of lifestyle, environment and culture. Going into my new school I was nervous cause I came in the middle of the school year and of course I had no idea what NZ schools were like. I made a couple of friends here and there in a couple of my classes. Two months into my new school I started feeling so lonely; my best friends were back home, I had yet to consider NZ as 'home', I felt like school was more of a chore. I then again started opening up to my mom on how I was feeling and that I somehow regretted moving but my mom told me that it was my decision to move. I wanted this. See, it's things like this I picture to be all bright and happy similar to what I kind of thought of high school in my freshman year. Then because of these expectations and perceptions, I can lose touch of reality and then it hits me like a bitch. I got through the year, I'm glad I did. I just kept telling myself that better days will come and I was right. Cause now here I am typing this on the last day of high school and laughing at how much irrelevant drama and problems I had. Year 13 has been up there too in terms of my most enjoyable high school years. This year I had the most fun ever, I've met two people who I can consider my best friends (shoutout to the girls haha) and I've been more social. The high I've had this year was nothing I expected. I met the most amazing people ever and I had great teachers and classes. I didn't think it was possible to have this much happiness in high school hahaha. My 13
year old self would not have expected this turn out.

I've learned more life lessons in high school. I learned how to stay positive in situations where you'd think positivity could not be found. I've learned that friendships do fall out and that's okay. I've learned that some situations are out of our control even if we gave and tried everything that we could. I learned that stressing about an exam wastes my time on having to actually study it. I learned that planning and organization helps me a lot in school. Friends come and go but family is forever. And one of the most important things I have gotten out of 4 years of high school is learning to accept I cannot control what people will say about me. I have had such a tough time accepting it and I had such an ambition to get everyone to like me no matter how many times my parents reminded me that it's impossible to get everyone to like you. I've learned to stop giving a shit about what people have to say about me, especially people who don't even know me and have something to say about me. That it's none of my business what they say and think of me. I am what I am, I now choose to expect nothing and accept everything. The second most important thing I have learned is things happen for a reason and that better days always come after bad days. I've learned to accept everything life has to offer because I know I can get through it with the support of God, my family and friends. That's all I need to be happy and content.

I can now say that high school has done it's job and I will leave high school a much changed person.

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